So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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