Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
