hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize