i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
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Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
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My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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