You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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