I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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