All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
