either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
