I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize