giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
