Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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