so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
