Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
