I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
