I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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