do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
