i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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