But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
