Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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