Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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