I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
