Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
