Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
