how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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