New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
