we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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