So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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