And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
