That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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