Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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