i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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