rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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