one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
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