oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
