It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
