I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
