i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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