I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
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If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
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I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just forgot I was standing up.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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