She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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