i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
