dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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