Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
