Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
