Say something about gay babies.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
