On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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