1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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