Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
