took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
