my vag is so smooth its legendary
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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