HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
