I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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