Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
