Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
