I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
