well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
