Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
