i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
