i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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