I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
