MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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