if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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