i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
