in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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