He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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