Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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