my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
