Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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